I used to think being soft meant being endlessly accessible. Answering every call, holding space for everyone else’s emotions and explaining myself until I was empty. I strongly advise against all of the above.

Softness is not the absence of boundaries. It is discernment, choosing where your energy goes and knowing that your nervous system is not a public space. I’m learning that I can be gentle and still unavailable to chaos, kind and still decline and love deeply and still create distance. It simply means I am relearning to protect me.

Softness does not mean I owe anyone access to me. It means I protect what is tender and I don’t expose my healing to people who haven’t learned how to hold it. Most importantly: It means I am no longer sacrificing my peace to keep others comfortable. This is something I had struggled with for a very long time and I am relearning that it is ok because my wellbeing comes first.

There is a version of me that used to explain every no, who felt guilty for needing space, who confused self-abandonment with love, she was soft but she was burning herself alive. I’m putting that version to bed and it feels really good. Now, my softness has roots, it knows when to stay, when to step back and that rest is not selfish and distance is not cruelty.

My softness does not mean available, it’s sacred.

Xoxo, Abi🤎